Avoid cars while riding a Segway

Apparently, if you're riding a Segway and hit a car or other stationary object at full speed, it hurts... a lot. Thank Gott we have Der Spiegel to bring us this hard-hitting news.

Russia could strike Poland over U.S. shield

And George W. Bush could announce he was full of crap the whole time and resign, but I don't see that happening soon either. Russia is not happy with the US putting part of its missile shield in Poland.

"The USA is engaged in an anti-missile defence for its own government, and not for Poland. And Poland, in deploying (elements of the system) opens itself to a military strike. That is 100 percent," Interfax quoted Nogovitsyn as saying.

This could have made me much more intimidating in the classroom

Teachers in Texas will now be able to carry firearms in the classroom in an effort to prevent school shootings.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/08/15/gun.toting.teachers.ap/index.html

Whiny wrestler tosses medal in disgust

It seems that we have reached the height of childish behavior in what is supposed to be the ultimate in sportsmanship. Swedish wrestler Ara Abrahamian threw his bronze medal on the floor during the medal presentation before storming off. His coach complained that the fact that his wrestler lost was all politics. I guess the Chinese gymnasts aren't the only babies in the Olympics.

Full story here

WAIT...what??

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/08/15/us.russia/index.html

'In Washington, President Bush on Friday chided Russia for Cold War-style behavior, saying, "Bullying and intimidation are not acceptable ways to conduct foreign policy in the 21st century."'

XKCD: Voting Machines

Big Foot? or Chewbacca?

I heard them talking about unveiling the DNA of "Big Foot" on the radio this morning. I thought it had to be some huge joke until I checked the news at work. Still could be a joke--but it would be an interesting find...

US Diplomatic Relations Strained by Georgian Conflict. Funny, US Domestic Relations strained by George-ian issues too.

The New York Times is carrying news that the holy-crap-Russia-is-still-the-USSR incident is causing the Bush administration to rethink its policies with the nation whose biggest claim to fame is 'most time zones'. I have two comments:

Academia: The End of History my arse, please refund my textbooks.

George Bush:

"I looked the man in the eye. I found him to be very straight forward and trustworthy and we had a very good dialogue."

...

"I was able to get a sense of his soul."

Oh Boris Yeltsin where are you?

Speaking of the Colbert Report: the CR "bump"

Democratic politicians report a 40% increase in campaign contributions in the month following appearances on the Colbert Report. Republican politicians... closer to zero.

"Moreover, even a cursory analysis demonstrates that despite being a comedy program The Colbert Report appears to exercise 'disproportionate real world influence' — likely due to the 'elite demographic' of its audience."

That's right - I'm elite. In your face.

As featured on the Colbert Report!

I had to do it...

Escaped 'giant poo' causes chaos

"A giant inflatable dog poo has caused chaos, breaking windows and pulling down power lines, after it flew away from an outdoor exhibition.

The artwork by American artist Paul McCarthy blew away from a Swiss museum, living up to its title...

Complex Shit."

http://livenews.com.au/Articles/2008/08/12/Escaped_giant_poo_causes_chaos

iReport gets better and better

For those who don't know iReport yet, it's a Web 2.0 division of CNN wherein users can upload their own stories, pictures, videos, etc. I'm sure you're all at least passingly acquainted. But does this really qualify as news?

A father, having warned his children repeatedly about their behavior while playing the X-Box, took the machine from them and nailed it to a tree. See the picture.

http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-60244

W... T... F?

Don't worry - they have a plan

The CERN Large Hadron Collider is set to go in October, potentially leading to the discovery of the so-called "God" particle, simply advancing science and the human body of knowledge, or accidentally creating a black hole and slowly but surely destroying life as we know it as it is consumed by an ever-growing pit of nothingness.

Fear not! They have a plan and a series of fail-safe devices set to prevent the latter from occurring. From the ministry of helping you sleep better at night: Dr. Higgs or how I stopped worrying and learned to love the LHC

The End of the Affair

On the Fox News Show, Hannity and Colmes, the conservative pundits declared Edwards unfit to serve based on his infidelity. Liberal strawman Alan Colmes grew a set during a segment on the John Edwards affair and pointed out that Senator McCain cheated on his wife after she had faced her own crippling ordeal in a car accident. Sean Hannity returned with the classic "if you spent 5 and a half years getting tortured for your country in a Vietnamese POW camp" argument. I must have missed that caveat in the marriage vows.

John McCain plagiarizes wikipedia to address foreign policy crisis?

Is it possible that a presidential candidate would rip off wikipedia to address the Georgian-Russian crisis? Recently a wikipedia editor started asking questions, you decide.

Finally a presidential ticket that can get you a toe, by three o'clock

"Also dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature"

Want this on a T-Shirt?

Hungarian weightlifter turns his elbow around 180 deg.

I feel so bad for this guy.

Classic Cocktail: The Sidecar

This delightful little drink originated either in London or Paris as "The Great War" was winding down. The drink is allegedly named after the sidecar its inventor rode to and from the bistro where the drink was invented. Its primary ingredient is Brandy and it is served in a sugar-rimmed cocktail glass with a lemon rind.

1 part brandy or Cognac
1 part Cointreau (or other triple sec)
1 part lemon juice

"Mix the ingredients in a shaker half full of ice. Strain and serve in a sugar-rimmed glass. Garnish with a strip of lemon rind"

A votre sant!

Russo-Georgian conflict may affect ISS

The Russo-Georgian conflict has ripples affecting the region and the rest of the war. Those ripples may be extending into outer-space vis a vis the International Space Station. Of particular concern is the fact that the Space Shuttle is quickly approaching retirement, which means travel to and from the station will rely almost exclusively on the Russian Soyuz rockets.

Full story and additional commentary courtesy of our friends at /.

XKCD: Freemanic Paracusia

Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice...

China puts best foot forward, crushes small child's dreams...

"A little girl and her song captivated millions of viewers during the opening ceremony of the Beijing Olympics. But what they saw was not what they heard.

Games organizers confirm that Lin Miaoke, who performed "Ode to the Motherland" as China's flag was paraded Friday into Beijing's National Stadium, was not singing at all."

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/asiapcf/08/12/oly.kids/index.html

Wow, China...

UPDATE: More falsehoods present in what was thought to be the one of the best, if not the best, Opening Ceremonies in history.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/08/12/fake.fireworks.ap/index.html

"Beijing organizers confirmed Tuesday that some of the fireworks display featured prerecorded footage.

Fireworks that burst into the shape of 29 gigantic footprints were shown trudging above the Beijing skyline to the National Stadium near the start of the ceremony.

Though the footprint-shaped fireworks were real, some of the footage shown to television viewers around the world and on giant screens inside the "Bird's Nest" stadium featured a computer-generated three-dimensional image."

Michael Phelps is the Incredible Hulk

Not really, but he won his second swimming gold medal of the 2008 Summer Games in a thriller of a 4x100 relay.

"Few sporting events live up to the hype -- this one exceeded it. The 32-year-old [American Jason] Lezak was nearly a body length behind [Frenchman Alain] Bernard as they made the final turn, but the American hugged the lane rope and stunningly overtook him on the very last stroke."

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/olympics/2008/08/10/phelps.usa.relay.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

Now you can be in debt too!

American culture has been exported to all sorts of countries for years, but now many of them are getting another fun and fundamental part of Americana: the credit card.  Of course, these places aren't blank slates, and many like to incorporate parts of their own culture.  Enter: the turkish credit card debt honor killing.

It's a mad, mad, mad, mad world.

Soul Legend Isaac Hayes Dies

The legendary soul singer, winner of Grammies, and perhaps is remembered even more for his role on Southpark as the voice of Chef, has passed on today.
His relatives found him collapsed next to treadmill in his home. Local medics tried to revive him at the scene but were unsuccessful.

Hayes was 65.