Bush's last minute pardon: Osama Bin Laden

From the Huffington Post:

WASHINGTON, DC: In a stunning late-hour development, President George W. Bush has granted Osama bin Laden a pardon for the murder of more than 2,700 Americans in the fall of 2001.

"This kinda came out of nowhere," said a White House aide who requested anonymity. "I wouldn't have put bin Laden on the short list myself. On the other hand, maybe this is the president's way of finding closure. Because ... y'know ... he wasn't actually able to kill bin Laden, or capture him, or even keep him from making all those (expletive) videos. I mean, jeez, let's face it: Osama bin Laden is basically a one-man Netflix of cave movies."

To dive deeper into the issue, Conservative columnist William Kristol was asked for comment:

"George W. Bush is a brilliant strategist. I'm sure he has a good reason for this pardon. I'll figure it out."