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How to fix California, 101

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

BREAKING: Proof Obama Born in Kenya

From the '[T]imes:

. . .[T]his morning,Americans for Freedom of Information released the following photograph, which shows the the newborn Barack Obama being held by his mother, Ann Dunham, with Sarah Hussein Obama, at the Obama Commune, in front of a road sign which clearly reads, “Nairobi”. The last time I checked, there was no city of Nairobi in Hawaii!

Yes yes, Fidel vacations in Kenya, don't worry about it.

World Conquered, someone should call the Orkin Man

An Ant Mega-Colony has taken over the world. Seriously, there's like one giant gaggle of ants, hanging out all over the place, and they are buddies. From the BBC:

it now appears that billions of Argentine ants around the world all actually belong to one single global mega-colony.

Researchers in Japan and Spain led by Eiriki Sunamura of the University of Tokyo found that Argentine ants living in Europe, Japan and California shared a strikingly similar chemical profile of hydrocarbons on their cuticles.

But further experiments revealed the true extent of the insects' global ambition.

The team selected wild ants from the main European super-colony, from another smaller one called the Catalonian super-colony which lives on the Iberian coast, the Californian super-colony and from the super-colony in west Japan, as well as another in Kobe, Japan.

They then matched up the ants in a series of one-on-one tests to see how aggressive individuals from different colonies would be to one another.

Ants from the smaller super-colonies were always aggressive to one another. So ants from the west coast of Japan fought their rivals from Kobe, while ants from the European super-colony didn't get on with those from the Iberian colony.

Great, just great; Argentina again. Clearly, Sanford did this.

And just because we all want to see Ants kicking some insane ass:

Sleepwalking urination stabbing

May I apologize for my extended absence. I am no longer commuting 4 hours a day to work, or attempting to graduate from grad school while simultaneously planning a wedding. I offer the following hilarious headline as a peace offering:

KC Man Urinating While Sleepwalking Stabbed

PA GOP, Furries, and Sexual Predators

Pennsylvania GOP Senate Whip Jane Orie recently fired one of her top aides for being a furry, or maybe just for being a sexual predator. Apparently the guy, a member of that scurge of the internets - Furries, was trying to make arrangements with a 15 year-old for some "yiffing." What is yiffing? you might ask. With any luck, this video will help you.

For help, look to the Shadow?

From CNET:

We can all rest easy knowing that our streets are now protected by a motley crew of pseudo-heroes known as The Allegiance.
. . .
A 21-year-old man (I'll believe it when I see it) from Milford, Ohio, Shadow Hare claims his Allegiance of Heroes reaches all across the country, with masked vigilantes each protecting their respective cities. There's Aclyptico in Pennsylvania, Wall Creeper in Colorado, Master Legend in Florida, and Mr. Extreme in California.

For us, the real hero is local news has the real scoop:

Also, Shadow wants to be your friend on MySpace

Japanese man had a really bad week

A 93-year-old Japanese man recently became the first person to be certified as a survivor of both the Nagasaki and Hiroshima bombings. The man was in Hiroshima on a business trip when the first bomb hit, and he made it back to Nagasaki in time for round two. Some people have all the luck.

So much for Maryland NOT being the south...

For those of you who did not grow up in Maryland have to learn the words to "Maryland, My Maryland" in 3rd grade, let me give you a little crash course. It's the state song of Maryland, and it's a little, shall we say... outdated. (Not as much as the German national anthem, but that's a different story). Anyways, it makes several references to revenge on the patriotic gore that flecked the streets of Baltimore and basically challenges Virginia to a battle. Here's the kicker:

"She is not dead, nor deaf, nor dumb-
Huzza! she spurns the Northern scum!"

That's right- the Northern scum. Well, a committee of the Maryland House of Delegates thought that maybe we should make some sort of an effort to pretend that it's no longer 1861 and maybe be a little nicer to those yankee rebels and change the lyrics of the song. Well, for all of us Marylanders who have fought hard our entire lives to escape the stereotypes of being thought of as "part of the south" are out of luck- the bill was voted down and it looks like "Northern Scum" will remain a part of the Maryland state song. Wow.

$2000 Car, anyone?

Indian superconglomerate Tata released the world's least expensive car today, the Tata Nano. At 50 mpg and 33 hp this tiny little car will get your family somewhere, eventually, probably.

I kind of want one, I'm not gonna lie.

Sheep Art. God I hope this is real

Watch this in High Quality

British law favors heroin addicts over diabetics

In England heroin addicts get free needles and needle disposal. It's probably even a good idea, in fact it may be why Spain's addicts are 10 times more likely to have HIV.

However, when the same pharmacists who are giving red-eyed-itchy-neck Ted a sweet deal, won't dispose Grandma's diabetes needles and she has to arrange for expensive haz-mat pick up. . .Lame.

Do the British want diabetes patients to start swapping needles? I read somewhere that that's a bad thing.

Thank you, Economist

For Once, the Religious Right is Right

In the news in the UK this week, one of the youngest people to become a father has made the news. He has a newborn, and he is a tender 13.

See more here.

Joaquin Phoenix nearly appears on the Late Show

Transactional truth, the flaw in proof, wikipedia

Slashdot is carrying an interesting post this morning pointing out an interesting error. Without diving into unnecessary detail, in a quickly evolving news story, a man named as a potential candidate for a public service post had his name changed by adding 'Wilhem' as an additional middle name. Now for most people this is a noticeable change, for example Barack Hussein Obama turned into Barack Wilhem Hussein Obama would stand out pretty well. But, when your name is Karl Theodor Maria Nikolaus Johann Jacob Philipp Franz Joseph Sylvester Freiherr von und zu Guttenberg, things might go unnoticed for a little while. Then things get a little funny. A german newspaper decides to copy the name out of wikipedia and print it, and then wikipedia users use the newspaper as a citation on the name.

Uh - oh. This sounds truthier than the Bush Administration. Which seems to beg the question, how often do we authenticate inaccuracy by repackaging?

Warning: Law school story

I'm way too lazy to look this up, but consider this. Years ago congress passed an amended requirement for import reporting and duty for certain products. Due to a transcription error, when the law was transferred into the US code an error was made in the reporting requirements for the dimensions of those products. Originally congress passed a requirement that a product had to be reported by its length, width and height, or its volume. In its published form, a product had to be reported by its length and width, or its height and volume. When tested in Federal court, the Judge cited the Code as the law and ruled that the flawed transcription should stand.

Sullenberger's epic ethics

The US Airways pilot who made the emergency landing in the Hudson seems like a pretty stand up guy:

"Chesley Sullenberger has a problem. He borrowed a book from the Danville Library – and it’s overdue. To complicate matters, the book was an interlibrary loan from Fresno State.

Sullenberger contacted librarians and asked for an extension on the loan and a waiver on the overdue fine. The reason? The book is in the cargo hold of the US Airways plane that made an emergency landing last month in New York’s Hudson River. Sullenberger is the pilot who made that landing. No one was seriously injured.

Fresno State library officials were impressed with Sullenberger’s sense of responsibility… and waived all fines and fees, even the one for losing the book. The library’s going one step further: when the replacement book goes up on the shelf, it will have a special template in front, dedicating it to Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger.

Oh, by the way. The topic of that book? Professional ethics."

Per Tradition, Ex-Presidents Watch Obamas Christen White House Bed

From the Huffington Post:

WASHINGTON--Honoring one of the longest-standing rituals in American history, former presidents Jimmy Carter, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush assembled in the nation's capital last week to witness the new first couple's christening of the White House bed.

Yes it is a satire, kids.

What's that smell? New Jersey

From the highly regarded Christian Science Monitor:
Only in New York, can the smell of Maple Syrup wafting out of New Jersey raise a suspicion of terrorist activity.

Photo: New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is on the case (from AP).

God Bless America, giant inflatable rats have free speech rights too.

. . . At least in New Jersey

From the article:

In a case that pitted an International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers union local against a central Jersey town, the high court ruled unanimously that the rodent is protected speech under the First Amendment.

"The township's elimination of an entire medium of expression without a readily available alternative renders the ordinance overbroad," Justice John E. Wallace Jr. wrote for the court.The super-sized rat, sitting on its hind legs and bearing fangs, is a national symbol used by organized labor to signal a labor dispute. It had been blown up and displayed at a 2005 labor event in Lawrence Township until police enforced a law that bans banners, streamers and inflatable signs, except those announcing grand openings.

I, for one, welcome our new semi-gaseous rodentiary overlords.

Is Wal-Mart Truly Evil?

Came across this little blog entry on BoingBoing written by Charles Platt, a writer for Wired.

He gave up his writing gig to start at Wal-Mart to find out if Barbara Ehrenreich's feature Nickel and Dimed revealed the true Wal-Mart, or if there was another side to the "evil corporation" story.

For the sake of maintaining the journalistic integrity of this blog, I hereby submit the link for your perusal.

Cheers.