Obama can cuss a cow

Many of this country's highest officials have had reputations for their linguistic lashings. Lyndon B. Johnson would greet friends and rivals with a "how's it going you cocksucker," Nixon's private verbal abuse is the stuff of legends, and TR preferred "Bully" to "Fuckin' A," but we knew what he meant. While perhaps not on the Senate floor, Barack Obama joins a long line of First Foul-Mouths.

Sullenberger's epic ethics

The US Airways pilot who made the emergency landing in the Hudson seems like a pretty stand up guy:

"Chesley Sullenberger has a problem. He borrowed a book from the Danville Library – and it’s overdue. To complicate matters, the book was an interlibrary loan from Fresno State.

Sullenberger contacted librarians and asked for an extension on the loan and a waiver on the overdue fine. The reason? The book is in the cargo hold of the US Airways plane that made an emergency landing last month in New York’s Hudson River. Sullenberger is the pilot who made that landing. No one was seriously injured.

Fresno State library officials were impressed with Sullenberger’s sense of responsibility… and waived all fines and fees, even the one for losing the book. The library’s going one step further: when the replacement book goes up on the shelf, it will have a special template in front, dedicating it to Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger.

Oh, by the way. The topic of that book? Professional ethics."

Advice from Mr. Man: Bachelor Parties

Per Tradition, Ex-Presidents Watch Obamas Christen White House Bed

From the Huffington Post:

WASHINGTON--Honoring one of the longest-standing rituals in American history, former presidents Jimmy Carter, George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush assembled in the nation's capital last week to witness the new first couple's christening of the White House bed.

Yes it is a satire, kids.

$.002 ≠ .002¢

What's that smell? New Jersey

From the highly regarded Christian Science Monitor:
Only in New York, can the smell of Maple Syrup wafting out of New Jersey raise a suspicion of terrorist activity.

Photo: New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is on the case (from AP).

God Bless America, giant inflatable rats have free speech rights too.

. . . At least in New Jersey

From the article:

In a case that pitted an International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers union local against a central Jersey town, the high court ruled unanimously that the rodent is protected speech under the First Amendment.

"The township's elimination of an entire medium of expression without a readily available alternative renders the ordinance overbroad," Justice John E. Wallace Jr. wrote for the court.The super-sized rat, sitting on its hind legs and bearing fangs, is a national symbol used by organized labor to signal a labor dispute. It had been blown up and displayed at a 2005 labor event in Lawrence Township until police enforced a law that bans banners, streamers and inflatable signs, except those announcing grand openings.

I, for one, welcome our new semi-gaseous rodentiary overlords.

Glenn Beck: Comrade Update

Good thing CNN sold Glenn Beck to Fox News for a thirty food effigy of Chairman Obama and exclusive broadcast rights to the streets running red with the blood of bourgeois oppressors.

Bill Gates attacks crowd with mosquitoes

Microsoft founder Bill Gates opened up a jar of mosquitoes this morning at this weeks Technology, Entertainment and Design conference to make a point about malaria. Apparently this is the best way to captivate your audience about a deadly disease you're trying to fight.

If they had been malaria carrying mosquitoes this would be a much more interesting story. Or quite literally, tiny flying Mosques.

Pick me for HHS Secretary

Dear President Obama,

Given recent turns of events, in this time of crisis, you need to turn to someone you can trust. Sir, that person is me. Last year I paid my taxes, and the year before, and the year before, and the year before, and the year before and so on. Not to mention I've got mad government skillz and I scowl every time I see a lobbyist. Also, if absolutely necessary, I too am willing to steal Sally Jessy Raphael's glasses.

Submitted for your unquestioning approval,

Me.

Palin pulls a McCain

As much as this author would prefer to let the Governor of the great state of Alaska to fall into obscurity, this was simply too funny. Sarah Palin was invited to the US House Republicans' annual winter retreat to give what they hoped would be a morale-boosting speech. She declined, citing that she simply had too much pressing state business in Alaska to deal with.

So far, so good. So where was Sarah Palin this weekend?

Washington, D.C. - attending the super-elite Alfalfa dinner.

Republican reviews were mixed:

"She lied to us," said a Republican at the retreat.

Asked about Palin's no-show, House Republican leader John Boehner shrugged. "Whatever," Boehner said.

Is Wal-Mart Truly Evil?

Came across this little blog entry on BoingBoing written by Charles Platt, a writer for Wired.

He gave up his writing gig to start at Wal-Mart to find out if Barbara Ehrenreich's feature Nickel and Dimed revealed the true Wal-Mart, or if there was another side to the "evil corporation" story.

For the sake of maintaining the journalistic integrity of this blog, I hereby submit the link for your perusal.

Cheers.

Cheney Dunk Tank Raises $800 Billion for Nation

Brand new edition to the White House Carnival: The Cheney Dunk Tank. 150 million assorted persons showed up for the event, with proceeds bloating the Treasury's coffers to the point of unlikely financial security.

Sigh... damn you, Onion. Why do you always have to dangle the ideal, utopian scenario in front of our face while the world burns around us?

Talk about a wardrobe malfunction

Porn? During the Super Farce, I mean Super Bowl? See here.

Some Judeo-Christian unity in pedophilia

A community of Hasidic Jews in New York City is coming under fire for allegations of pedophilia. Shockingly, even after allegations, one school principle was re-hired.

"If you're a pedophile, the best place for you to come to are some of the Jewish communities," he says. "Why? Because you can be a pedophile and no one's going to do anything. Even if they catch you, you'll get away with it."

Printer uses coffee grounds and elbow grease

Looking for an eco-friendly way to print? The RITI printer uses old coffee grounds for ink and the user manually moves the ink case left and right to print.

Martha Washington: First Fox

New evidence points to Martha Washington being quite the hottie. Scientists were able to use age-regression software to determine what she looked like at age 25, when she married His Premierness, GW. While this contradicts previous understandings of the First First Lady, it's an interesting look at an old subject.

And check out those wedding shoes... sassy!

Sarah Palin's road to No(me)where?*

Alaska Governor Sarah Palin wants to build a road to Nome that would cost an estimated $3-4 million per mile. In the same speech that she declared a billion dollar plus budget shortfall, she pushed for the $2 billion dollar project.

Budget deficit, spend 2 billion more... -1 + -2 =... Fiscal conservatives win once again!

*With apologies to the fine residents of Nome, AK.

John Baer's plan to balance the budget

Columnist John Baer has a plan to save Pennsylvania $1.5 bn.